I’m currently writing this 30,000 feet in the air, on the way to my first vacation away from my baby. I have bloodshot eyes from an early wakeup call and a teary goodbye, with my laptop in front of me, a glass of Prosecco on my left, and a coffee on my right. And you know what?
I’m doing great.
Truly!
I had a few interactions with moms leading up to this trip where they mentioned that they never left their child before they were X years old, which got in my head. Cue the internal questioning and mom guilt – am I doing the right thing? Is it too soon to leave? Of course, those comments took up more space in my head than the ones who have left for trips this soon or sooner, and have been totally fine.
I’ve had this trip planned since April, meaning five months to mentally prepare. On the flipside, five months to look forward, plan, and be excited!
And sure, I might only be a few hours in, but I already feel like I’ve made the right choice. Going through the airport alone instantly brought me back to my old self, pre-baby. No stroller, no diaper bag, no squimy wormy to share my seat with on the plane. And as much as I miss him, I realize I’ve missed myself.
Last night officially marked the end of my breastfeeding journey at just shy of 14 months – something that I’m not sure I could have as effortlessly ended without some physical distance. It was an emotional ending, but an intentional one (as I mentioned, we’ve had time to wean accordingly with this trip in mind). I’m so proud we made it to nearly 14 months, and now, this trip feels like a little reward.
I’m already loving the pictures and videos I’m getting from my husband. As much as I have FOMO, I’m equally excited for them to have time to bond just the two of them. I can’t wait to hear all the stories of what they will be up to this week, the outfits that dad picks out, the new things that Nathan starts doing (thank goodness walking happened before I left!). And for the times that my husband has to work, I’m excited for our parents to get a little extra time with him as well. It makes it easier to leave knowing he will get love from so many directions while I’m away. This trip is helping me grow my trust in others to care for Nathan, and grow my independence back, both things that I know will have a positive effect on my happiness.
And while I’m away, my goal is to 1) only cry once a day, 2) sleep in and drink my coffee while it’s hot, and 3) relax, recharge, and rediscover some of the creative juice that has been stowed away over the past year. It’s in there and just within reach, I know it!
Did I spend the entirety of my first fight watching videos and pictures of Nathan? For sure. I’m also hyper aware of other moms in the airport – and my heart goes out to the ones doing it alone, I have so much more respect and understanding now.
But for now, I’m relishing in my light-as-a-feather packing job (packing for one, who knew it was such a luxury), ordering another glass of wine, and signing off – no baby monitor to monitor. And I hope after this week I can be the mom friend who says to the next new mom thinking about a trip – you should totally do it. You’ll feel refreshed and more yourself after, and come home happier to a family who is even happier to see you.
Cheers!
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