Reporting live from the frontlines of the newborn trenches. Now that I’m two and a half months in, I’m qualified to leave a review, right?
Growing up, I always assumed I would have a kid someday. That’s what you do, right? Grow up, work on your career, get married, have kids. But I wouldn’t say I ever really saw myself having kids or craved being a mom. Actually, quite the opposite. I don’t know if I did too much babysitting/nannying in my younger days or what, but it was very effective as birth control to the point where I thought maybe I didn’t want to settle down and have kids. It seemed like a surefire way to lose your freedom.
Alas, I got married, moved to the suburbs, and before you know it – and before I felt I was truly “ready” (more on that here), here I am.
A whole a** mother. WILD.
I had a lot of anxiety during pregnancy not knowing if this whole motherhood thing was going to be for me. If I would be good at it. If I would enjoy it. Would the rest of my life feel like one long babysitting job that I just never got relief from? Would I ever get alone time again? How would it affect marriage?
And while I know the answers to some of these questions will change with time or depend on the day (I can hear the “just you wait”s from here), one thing is for sure so far.
I surprisingly love being a mom.
Words I never thought I would write. And words that I am so incredibly thankful that I am already ABLE to write as I know “loving” motherhood doesn’t come this soon for all moms. The newborn trenches are different for everyone – and I don’t want to discount the “the early days are so hard” narrative, but I do want to offer some positive reassurance for anyone reading this who also might have similar worries. Birth and the newborn phase? Not worth all the dread I placed upon them. I spent so much time gearing up for what I assumed would be the worst, most trying time. And I couldn’t have been more wrong. Birth, while hard and didn’t go the way I had envisioned (does it ever?), was totally fine and I would do it again in a heartbeat. And these first few months with a newborn? I can’t emphasize how joyful it has been.
A big worry of mine was that I wouldn’t “feel like myself” after having a baby. I’ve heard it can sometimes take upwards of a year to feel like yourself again. I don’t want to jinx myself, but for the most part, I feel like I’ve lucked out in this department and still feel like my normal self. Just maybe with more love and more time efficiency (which let’s be honest, I needed). These first few months have been more positive than I ever could have hoped for. I say all this with the caveat that I have an extremely easygoing baby and a wonderful partner, who combined have made the transition to motherhood as easy as possible. But I want to stress that the transition can be so special and enjoyable, and you can still feel like yourself through it all. I wish I wouldn’t have spent so much time assuming the opposite.
Have there been tears? Yes. Lots of them! But 99% happy tears.
Has there been less sleep? Absolutely. But I’ve learned to love and savor the quiet moments with just me and baby in the middle of the night.
Has there been less spontaneity and date nights with my spouse? Yes, and honestly this is the area I’ve struggled with the most. But I’m finding joy in teaching my son to be flexible with plans on the go, and am loving bonding with my husband on our biggest and best team project.
I love watching our little guy do new things, make new faces, make new sounds. I love looking in my rearview mirror and seeing little eyes look out the windows. I love staring at sleeping eyelids while in my arms. I love catching the random independent smiles. I love folding the tiniest little clothes. I love seeing our dog get so overly excited to find his baby brother every time we get home. I love breastfeeding and the time together it gives us. I love knowing that when he is happy, it’s because of us – and when he cries, it’s because he wants us. I love taking too many pictures and videos every day, and looking at them at night. I love hearing my husband in another room singing him endless made-up songs. I love noticing what new things he is noticing. I love listening to the little squeaks and snores in the bassinet next to our bed. I even love hearing the explosive noises early in the morning that my husband and I laugh at knowing one of us gets the honor of being the hero and changing what we just heard.
It’s safe to say that so far, I love being a mom.
10/10 recommend.
But also, check back soon.
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