A Quick Note
For context, I wrote this entry pretty soon after finding out I was pregnant so the feelings in it are raw and not sugar-coated. If it seems like I was down about finding out the news – you’d be correct. Thankfully, I’m in my second trimester now and have completely done a 180 to how I’m feeling, but still wanted to share this unedited spew of thoughts in case anyone else is going through a similar rollercoaster of initial reaction. No matter if you’re trying or not, finding out you’re pregnant is a BIG concept to swallow, so big feelings are valid – regardless of what end of the spectrum they’re on. And opening up about those feelings (especially if there is doubt or fear involved) will only help. But I’ll let my story tell the rest!
How I Found Out I Was Pregnant
In preparation to thinking about trying, I got my IUD removed in August. My doctor recommended taking prenatals a few months before starting to try, so I started sporadically taking them a few weeks later. I was a little nervous they would have weird side effects or make me nauseous, but they didn’t at all. Still – I didn’t feel quite ready to start trying-trying, so the plan was to not try yet but start thinking about trying at the end of the year.
Since I hadn’t had a period in the last three years (minus the one after getting my IUD removed), I downloaded the Natural Cycles app to get a feel of my cycle in mid-October. A friend of mine had shared how helpful using LH strips was in tracking her cycle, so I grabbed a kit. I downloaded Natural Cycles mid-cycle and thought what the heck, I’m going to try and use the strips to see if they would help me track. I tried a strip and right away – boom, two lines aka LH-peak. I thought “Wow, what are the chances – I’m glad I tested!”. Logged it positive. Natural Cycles told me to test again the next day, and the next, etc.. Positive, positive again.
At this point, I just thought I was a fertile myrtle and went around taunting Jon I must be THAT fertile and to watch out (hah). I logged it in the Natural Cycles app and went on my merry way.
But then my LH-peak was still positive again the next day.
Suddenly, I was a little skeptical. Isn’t your fertile window pretty short? How many days are you supposed to show peaking for LH? Are these strips broken? What’s going on here?!
So naturally, I Googled “How many days will lh test positive” and it said 24-48 hours.
Interesting.
This led to the next Google – “Can lh strips read positive if pregnant”. And Google said, “If you are pregnant, your human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) levels will be much higher than normal and an ovulation test may inaccurately detect this and read it as a high LH level value.”
Instant. Panic.
When I tell you I thought there was no way, I thought there was no way. I was running late to meet girlfriends to see the Taylor Swift movie, but thought if I just took a pregnancy test real quick it would quiet my mind – because my mind was going a million miles a minute and again, there’s just no way.
I took one of the little cheap paper Amazon pregnancy strips (orange in the picture) that I ordered when I got the LH strips and when I tell you that thing showed two lines faster than I’ve ever seen two lines ever appear, I…was not okay.
Cue the tears. And not the Oh my gosh YAY! tears – but the HOW?! There is no way tears. I couldn’t stop shaking.
I cried the whole way to the theatre.
Once I got there (late), I pulled myself together and tried to act normal, but I was an absolute wreck. One of my friends asked if something was wrong and I burst into tears and word vomited that it was probably a mistake, but some little strip of paper just told me my life is about to be flipped upside down.
My friends were absolute angels and gave hugs and excited reactions – but I felt horrible because my reaction wasn’t matching. They calmed me down and said to relax and try to enjoy the movie, then after we’ll go get an actual test to see if the one from home was right.
We made it through the movie (longest movie ever – a whole three and a half hours of Taylor) then promptly all went to Target where we did the walk of shame to “the isle”, bought a box of tests, and crowded into the Target bathroom where I took a more legitimate test.
And sure enough, there Clearblue as day, the test flashed “Pregnant”.
I put a smile on for a few pictures. By this time, I had calmed down from my initial shock during the movie – but I still was in utter disbelief.
I kept my secret for a night and didn’t tell Jon until the next day so I had more time to process it myself. And thankfully once I told him, I instantly started to feel more excitement and joy. It just…took a little while!
I called the doctor and they guessed based on my cycle/dates, I was likey 6 weeks pregnant.
The Early Pregnancy Symptoms I Missed
Still doubting everything, I started to look up early pregnancy symptoms, and this is where things clicked for me. Like maybe the test wasn’t making things up.
We had just gotten back from my sister-in-law’s wedding in Connecticut. During that trip, I was feeling uncomfortably bloated after dinners. To the point where I would get up multiple times to go to the bathroom to try and feel better so I could sleep, which has never been a thing. The fullness continued into the next week. I remember audibly trying to catch my breath during dinner and thinking my goodness these leggings feel tight. I started telling myself ‘Diet starts tomorrow’, clearly my portion sizes must be getting out of control.
Reality? It was constipation, hormones making me feel unnormally full, and needing to pee more often than usual. Check, check, and check.
Another reason why I thought there was no way I could be pregnant is that I had my period (or so I thought). It was super short, but again, I was just getting my cycle back after having an IUD for so long so an irregular period didn’t raise flags. Hindsight – it was implantation bleeding right around when my period would have been.
Looking Back at My Initial Reaction
Looking back, I think my initial reaction of frustration/shock came from a place where we hadn’t officially started trying-trying. I thought I had more time as it has taken several of my friends months if not years to get pregnant. In my head, life would be the same for quite a while longer – with plenty of time to pack in a few more trips and keep soaking in responsibility-free life.
Now, I feel guilty for even having these thoughts. Being able to get pregnant so fast was such a blessing – and life isn’t ending (as convinced as I was!). There are so many new things to look forward to! And honestly, I don’t know if I would have ever felt truly ready – so the fact that this baby decided it was time in a way comforts me now. Like it chose us.
I documented my first trimester symptoms/feelings in this post but my feelings toward being pregnant did start trending up once we shared the news with family and had our first doctor’s appointment. Looking back I think hormones were doing me dirty with the initial shock and fear-mongering…but have fully swung to the other side.
I couldn’t be more excited for what’s to come!
[…] and before you know it – and before I felt I was truly “ready” (more on that here), here I […]